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並非所有與學術議題相關的文章，就能稱之為「學術文章」。本篇專欄將節錄不同學術議題的內容，分析常見的寫作錯誤，並分享潤修與寫作的技巧。
Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. In this "This is not academic writing" column we examine short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被認可的文章

“K’ung-fu-tzu, or Confucius, emphasized in his noble teachings the importance of individual study and individual learning. He encouraged his disciples to think for themselves and to harmoniously link society’s past, its present, and its future. Though he taught the virtue of societal order, Confucius didn’t like order being imposed by coercion and favored leaders leading by example. His ideal of human character was inner confidence and gentleness combined with outer benevolence and compassion. Confucius’s model for such ordering of humanity was the family.”
An ancient teacher still is teaching via this paragraph, which contains some questionable word selections. In the first sentence, the writer describes the teachings of Confucius as “noble.” While that might be true, it is a problematic description. Some observers might believe Confucius was daft. Freestanding opinion is not suitable in academic writing. The writer asserts Confucius “didn’t like” coerced order. Actually the likes and dislikes of ancient teachers are not as relevant as what they taught; the sentence should be rephrased. In the last sentence, the reader stumbles over “Confucius’s model…” A good rule to follow is that possessives ending in “s” should be written so that readers don’t have to slop around in “susses.” How else might the paragraph be improved?
經由這個段落，我們又從古代的至聖先師學到不少。此段落有些詞彙的選擇有待商榷，第一個句子形容孔子的學說很「高尚」(noble)，無論孔子的學說是否高尚，這樣形容都有問題，畢竟有些人可能認為孔子很愚昧，學術文章不適合使用沒有根據的意見。作者又宣稱孔子「不喜歡」強加命令於人民，其實先賢的教誨比他們的喜歡與否來得重要，此句應修改措辭。最後一句 “Confucius’s model…” 讀來相當拗口，所有格若以 “s” 結尾，寫作時應特別注意，以免讀者在 “susses” 之類的字尾打轉。本段落還可以如何進一步修改呢？

Acceptable 認可的文章

“K’ung-fu-tzu, or Confucius, emphasized in his teachings the importance of individual study and learning. He encouraged his disciples to think for themselves and to harmoniously link society’s past, present, and future. Though he taught the virtue of societal order, Confucius eschewed order being imposed by coercion and favored leaders leading by example. His ideal of human character was inner confidence and gentleness wedded to outer benevolence and compassion. The Confucius model for such ordering of humanity was the family.”

取得碩博士學位的最終步驟是完成論文，然而，撰寫論文的過程通常是既漫長又嚴謹的長期抗戰。本次學術專欄特別推出「論文撰寫六大準備技巧」，幫助你做好準備工作，順利完成論文。每一項準備技巧，將定期刊登於本專欄。
The final step in earning many master and doctorate degrees is completion of a thesis or dissertation. The process involved typically is lengthy and exacting. Following is one of 6 recommendations to help you get started on your dissertation in such a way that you can successfully complete it. Each tip in the series will appear on the TPS Fans page.

Tip # 4 – Brainstorm dissertation topic, with guidance from committee and chairperson
技巧四：與指導委員集思廣益，共同討論題目

Writing a dissertation, or any other academic paper, is at least twice as difficult when a topic is ill-chosen. It is like trying to hit the center of a target with an arrow without having a bull’s eye superimposed on the target. Yes, you can see the general direction you need to let fly, but your eye has no focal point to guide your hand. In the same way, a well-chosen and sharply defined topic will help you coordinate your research, manage your time, and focus your writing. The consequence will be a paper that is marked by organization, consistency, and completeness.
寫論文或各種學術文章，若題目選得不好，寫起來難度將會加倍，就好像射箭沒有靶心，你明知道要往那個方向射，卻沒有目標可以瞄準。同樣的，題目若選得好、界定清楚，能配合你的研究、幫助規劃時間、在寫作時集中焦點，寫出的論文才會有組織、有條理且內容完整。

The importance of a topic means that it should not be formulated whimsically. An appealing topic sometimes is quickly found—or even worse, discovered late in the writing process—to be without sufficient substance to merit in-depth examination. Disaster! Parsing ideas way before the start of the dissertation process is advised, sometimes letting it guide final course selection. A superior topic is one a writer can enthusiastically embrace, a graduate school will find eminently worthy, and the larger peer community will conclude is thought-provoking and instructive.
既然題目這麼重要，就不能心血來潮的隨意選定。有些題目看似吸引人，但你很快就會發現沒有足夠的內容可以深入探討，更慘的是，有時你已經寫到一半了才發現沒有題材可發揮，簡直是雪上加霜。最好提早在開始寫論文前仔細檢視題目，或許還可據此選修課程。好的題目會讓學生投注熱情、老師認為有探討價值，讓學術同儕認為具啟發意義、發人深省。

Dissertation committee members, and especially the chair, are instrumental in this process. They ultimately must approve a proposal and final dissertation, so it is wise for a writer to incorporate their thinking in the topic selection process. Their experience—as well as their self-interest in being associated with a well-received dissertation—recommends their recommendations. A dissertation is a team effort, with the committee helping you navigate treacherous shallows and initially plumb some depths. But ultimately it is your vision and strength that must bring it home.
選擇題目時指導委員的意見非常重要，尤其是主任委員的意見。論文提案和定稿最終需經委員通過，所以最好在選擇題目時參考他們的意見。指導委員提出建議時，會考量自己的經驗，這篇論文與他們有關，他們也會關心論文是否會得到好評。寫作論文是團隊合作，指導委員可以幫助你認清暗藏的陷阱，協助深入探討。不過要讓主題確實發揮，最終還是要靠自己的眼光與實力。

Correct best answer: Replace “jousts” with “joists.”

“The floor joists of a mezzanine extend out only a short distance from surrounding walls, thereby framing a mini-floor that shares a ceiling with the floor below.”

Most people do not use the words “joust” and “joist” every day. As with other infrequently used and similar words—such as “craven” and “craving”—we can get our minds and tongues tangled and inadvertently use the wrong one. In this sentence, the writer used ”jousts,” which are contests between two knights on horseback trying to unseat one another with a lance. Obviously, nothing in the sentence corresponds to such activity. The desired word was “joists,” which are boards laid on edge as supports for, in this case, flooring. The only way to avoid such errors is to be aware of vocabulary limitations, use words carefully, and always re-read what has been written.
一般人平常很少使用 “joust” 與 “joist” 這兩個字，就像 “craven” 與 “craving” 等一般較少用而彼此字形類似的字，這些字很容易讓人腦筋、舌頭打結，一不小心就用錯字。本句用了 “jousts” 一字，該字意指兩騎士騎馬比賽，將對方用長矛擊落，顯然與本句無關。正確的字是 “joists”，在本句應指放在邊緣支撐地板的木條。要避免用字錯誤，必須多認識詞彙、注意用字，文章寫完務必再讀一次。

撰寫學術文章時，每字每句都需要謹慎著墨。改變幾個字就會使完整的一句話變得令人摸不著頭緒。下列的句子中，為使這句話能完整且有意義的表達，請選出你認為會令人感到困惑的字，我們將提供統一超商/星巴克咖啡NTD200元禮券，給予挑出混淆字，並寫出最佳替代字的第1位粉絲，最適的解答與獲獎的粉絲姓名，將於明天公佈於本TPS的專頁。請將你的答案寫在下方，獲得免費購物禮券的幸運兒可能就是你哦!
Every word is important in a well-written academic paper. Changing just a word or two can turn a clear sentence into a confusing one. Tell us what word you would change in the following puzzling sentence to render it more meaningful. The first best answer will receive a NTD200 7-11/Starbucks Gift Certificate.

題目Contest Sentence:

“The floor jousts of a mezzanine extend out only a short distance from surrounding walls, thereby framing a mini-floor that shares a ceiling with the floor below.”

很多字詞並非表面所見的意思，字詞的組合會產生不同的解釋。這樣的慣用法，我們稱之為「比喻」。一個成功的比喻，作者本身必須相當瞭解字詞的源起。以下的句子為讀者介紹一個比喻及其來源。
Imagery buries itself in language and takes on new meaning. The transplanted and transformed sets of words are called “figures of speech.” For a figure of speech to be effective, however, a writer must first understand the original meaning of the phrase. The following sentence contains a common figure of speech. Its original meaning is explained.

“African music continued to be heard, including the use of drums, rattles and contrapuntal vocals, with the musical influences swinging wide on the hinge of forced relocation.”
非洲音樂持續受到各界關注，包括鼓、搖鈴與對位聲樂的使用等，其音樂影響力隨著被迫遷徙而廣佈。

A “hinge” is the mechanism with pivot points that allows one plane to swing away from another without losing its other spatial orientation. A door is connected to a wall by hinges, which allows the door to open and close smoothly without losing its connection to the wall. Most hinges—which date back several thousand years—are comprised of two sets of short tubular fittings, each attached to a separate plane, which interlock and are joined by a hinge pin. The planes are connected yet move within a certain radius of each other, pivoting on the pin.
樞紐 (hinge) 是一種有軸點的機械裝置，讓平板可以朝一端開啟，但另一端保持固定。一扇門的門板是利用樞紐與牆相接，因而可順利開關，又不會從牆上脫離。樞紐可以追溯到數千年前，多數包含著兩組短管零件，每組接在不同平面上，兩組零件由樞紐插銷相連。在兩平面相連之下，於一段旋轉半徑內，藉由插銷的樞紐為中心轉動。

In writing about African music spreading in a non-African society, the writer employs the metaphor of the hinge to illustrate how the music’s influence was “swinging wide on the hinge of forced relocation.” In other words, the music of one place moved to another place when a slave was sold to another master, the music being carried with him to his new home. The “hinge” to the movement of the music was the practice of slaves being moved from place to place. That such movement occurred around the country resulted in the music’s “wide”-ranging influence.
作者使用樞紐的隱喻，敘述非洲音樂在非洲外流傳，說明非洲音樂的影響力如何隨著 (on the hinge of) 被迫遷徙而廣佈。也就是說，當非洲奴隸被賣給另一個主人，帶著音樂到新的住處，非洲音樂就從一地散佈到另一地。音樂移動的樞紐 (hinge) 就是奴隸從一地被移至另一地。這種移動發生在美國各地，使音樂影響「廣」佈，流傳於各地。

TPS的編輯教授在此歡迎關於學術文章的所有詢問，當然，其實他並沒有足夠的時間給你。他擁有終身教職的教授身份，也是著名的學術巨作作者。即便如此，他仍大方地接受你們的詢問。將關於學術方面的詢問寫在下方，你將獲得教授的親自指導，陶冶對學術的探索與啟發。
The professor awaits your query on academic writing, though in all honesty, he doesn’t have a lot of time for you. He is a tenured full professor and working on yet another magnificent academic tome. Even so, he has graciously consented to entertain your question. Submit it and prepare to be edified.

QUESTION: A couple of my friends here in school have read my papers and each has said that the papers seem “inconsistent.” They can’t very well explain what they mean and I am left to wonder where I am going wrong. Any ideas about that?
幾個同學讀了我的論文後，說我的文章有點「前後矛盾」，但他們也沒辦法解釋得很清楚，我不知道我的問題在哪裡。你覺得呢？

Friends can mess with your mind. An honest appraisal from someone you trust can knock the struts out from under you. I can’t fault your friends for being frank, but they might consider a more constructive approach to friendship. Still, their comments can be useful to you if you are genuinely interested in improving your writing of academic papers. The perceived inconsistency of your papers could be the result of any number of academic writing errors. It might be something you are doing, or not doing.
朋友的建議常常讓我們思緒大亂，聽到自己信賴的人對文章的直言不諱，的確會讓人從天堂跌到谷底。我不能責怪你朋友說話那麼坦白，不過如果他們的評語有些建設性，對友誼會更有幫助。話說回來，如果你確實想改善論文寫作，他們的建議還是有幫助。論文讀起來前後矛盾可能出自幾個學術寫作的問題，可能是你寫的內容有問題，或因為你沒有寫而造成問題。

Do you switch willy-nilly from first person to third person? Changing perspectives can jar a reader. Do you pick your words less carefully the longer you write? Such sloppiness, usually from haste or laziness, is noticeable. Do you get off track? Readers lose the thread of wandering presentations. Are your papers inconsistent in tone? Perhaps you begin in a formal way, then slip into a more casual mode, then return to a formal, didactic voice before ending with a blatant plea for acceptance of your argument. Horrors!
你是否不經意地從第一人稱換到第三人稱？改變說話立場會讓讀者困擾。你是否寫到後來遣詞用字愈來愈隨意？因為趕時間或怠惰造成的草率馬虎是很明顯的。你是否離題了？拐彎抹角會讓讀者摸不著頭緒。文章語氣是否前後不一？也許語氣一開始正式，後來放鬆了，最後又回到正經八百、諄諄教導的口吻，還冀望讀者接受你的論點。太糟糕了！

Any of these misguided approaches to academic writing reflect ignorance of the purpose of a paper. Do you remember what that is? The purpose is to professionally argue the case for new understanding of a subject via fresh information, preferably unearthed by you. If your writing is not consistent with this central purpose—from beginning to end—and is not coherent both in its information and its written delivery, you probably are guilty as charged by your friends.
這些錯誤的論文寫作方式表示你忽略論文的主旨。還記得論文的主旨是什麼嗎？是讓人感到耳目一新的資訊，最好是由你發現的訊息，提出專業的論證，並從嶄新的方向說明主題。除非你的寫作自始至終都符合中心主旨，訊息與呈現方式皆有條有理，否則你就可能如朋友所說，文章前後矛盾。

Answer: We believe the best revision is… “The people filed peacefully into the room and, one by one, seated themselves on the floor, each person assuming the fatalistic posture reminiscent of Mohandas Gandhi.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為 “The people filed peacefully into the room and, one by one, seated themselves on the floor, each person assuming the fatalistic posture reminiscent of Mohandas Gandhi.”

This sentence reduces the word count to 26 from 31 by letting one individual—Gandhi—personify a host of people. As a legendary champion of peaceful resistance and an advocate of human rights, Gandhi’s influence extended worldwide in the middle of the 20th century. The name of this citizen of India became a shorthand reference to global acts of protest that were characterized by non-violence, civil disobedience, and peaceful resistance.
將人群比擬成甘地，字數頓時從31字減少到26字。甘地是印度人，因提倡和平抵抗與提倡人權而聞名，影響力早在二十世紀中已遍及全球。甘地的名字帶給人們既定的印象，代表各種抗議活動如非暴力、不合作主義與和平抵抗等的象徵。

There is nothing especially wrong with the wording of the original sentence, which refers generically to the world’s history of non-violent resistance. It does so by invoking an image of peaceful demonstrators being civilly disobedient and submitting themselves to the reaction of authorities. This general allusion also enlarges the conversation by resorting to imagery. However, the image is not as sharp as a Gandhi reference, and sharpness and specificity nearly always spark understanding.
原句中提到非暴力抗爭的歷史陳述，提及和平示威者發起不合作運動、面對當局鎮壓等意象，措辭乍看之下並無不妥。這只是一般比喻，可將陳述轉化為意象，但該意象卻不如用甘地的比喻來的清晰，而清晰、明確有助於讀者理解句子。

The reference to Gandhi is an arbitrary choice. Non-violent protest is a universal principle that has been expressed in the writings of nearly all major religions and philosophies, including Buddhism, Christianity and Taoism. An allusion to any advocate would have accomplished the same so long as the name of the selected person was familiar to the reader. The consequence of such an allusive reference is a shortened sentence, a sharpened image, and quickened understanding.
當然並非一定要使用甘地的名字，在各宗教與哲學典籍中，如佛教、基督教與道教等，幾乎都看得到非暴力抵抗的宣言與堅持。只要所選的人名為讀者所熟悉，任何擁護非暴力抵抗的人名都可以達到同樣的效果。善用暗喻可以縮短句子，使意象清晰、促進理解。

很多字詞並非表面所見的意思，字詞的組合會產生不同的解釋。這樣的慣用法，我們稱之為「比喻」。一個成功的比喻，作者本身必須相當瞭解字詞的源起。以下的句子為讀者介紹一個比喻及其來源。
Imagery buries itself in language and takes on new meaning. The transplanted and transformed sets of words are called “figures of speech.” For a figure of speech to be effective, however, a writer must first understand the original meaning of the phrase. The following sentence contains a common figure of speech. Its original meaning is explained.

“Bellowing at his entourage, the loose sleeves of his yellow robe whipped by his flailing arms, the emperor only bridled his outrage when he glimpsed his young son cringing behind the skirt of a nobleman.”
君王對隨從怒吼，揮動雙臂，黃袍寬鬆的袖子隨之飛舞，瞥見小兒子畏縮地躲在貴族衣襬後，才箝制住自己的怒氣。

“Bridled his outrage” alludes to the function of a bridle, the leather-and-steel headgear on a horse by which a rider controls movement of the animal. Applying pressure through the bit and reins of the bridle, a rider can govern the horse’s direction and stop it from moving altogether. The small device restrains the large animal by influencing its decisions.
「箝制怒氣 (Bridled his outrage)」暗指馬籠頭(轡頭)的功用。皮革製的鋼帽製成的馬籠頭，置於馬的頭上使騎士能控制動物的行進。只要對馬籠頭與馬的腰部略施壓力，便能掌控馬的行進與停止。如此精巧的裝置卻能對體積龐大的動物產生箝制的行為。

As used in an academic paper about an emperor’s court, the metaphor denotes the self-restraint the monarch demonstrated upon seeing a child. To say he “bridled his outrage” is to say the bellicose emperor pulled back on his emotions and steered himself away from further display of anger. The “bridling” is an internal correction in which a person metaphorically grabs his own reins and gets himself under control.
在學術文章中，應用於法庭裡，隱喻君王的行為受制於一個小孩。這句「箝制怒氣(Bridled his outrage)」是指逞兇好鬥的君王，收回其憤怒的情緒，不再宣洩怒火。這裡的「箝制(bridling)」是內心情緒的修飾，比喻某人由於受到情感的制約，而使自己遭受其他人、事的控制。

很多字詞並非表面所見的意思，字詞的組合會產生不同的解釋。這樣的慣用法，我們稱之為「比喻」。一個成功的比喻，作者本身必須相當瞭解字詞的源起。以下的句子為讀者介紹一個比喻及其來源。
Imagery buries itself in language and takes on new meaning. The transplanted and transformed sets of words are called “figures of speech.” For a figure of speech to be effective, however, a writer must first understand the original meaning of the phrase. The following sentence contains a common figure of speech. Its original meaning is explained.

“The enfeebled brain received the sensory information, fitfully analyzed it and, in a cloudburst of responses, flooded the body with conflicting commands.”
衰弱的大腦接收感官訊息，斷斷續續地分析，如驟雨般猛烈回應，帶給身體大量衝突的指令。

“In a cloudburst of responses” alludes to a copious, usually unexpected, downpour of rain. Cloudburst suggests that a cloud in the sky acted like a bag of water that, stressed by the weight of the pooled liquid, suddenly burst open and released its burden. The action is characterized by sudden release and high volume.
「如驟雨般猛烈回應 (In a cloudburst of responses)」暗指豐沛且通常無法預期的傾盆大雨。驟雨在此是形容，天空中的雲就像是集水袋，裝載著所有空氣中凝聚而成的液體，突然間承載不住，如同洩洪般爆發而傾倒而出。這樣的行為表示突然間釋放積聚已久的壓力與能量。

As used in an academic paper about a mental state, the metaphor denotes a surge of mental activity that overwhelms the physiology of a person. It implies that the sheer volume of responses to stimuli was too much for a system to handle. The normal channels of response were “flooded” and rendered dysfunctional.
在學術文章中，多應用於心理狀態，隱喻為心理的情緒起伏全面影響一個人的生理現象。這是在影射所有刺激引發的反應量已超載，導致系統無法負荷。正常的回應管道遭到大量湧入訊息，導致功能異常損壞的現象。

The best writing doesn’t waste words. It employs words efficiently. The first TPS Fan to complete the sentence below as we believe it should be completed will win a NTD200 7-11 / Starbucks Gift Certificate. Another Starbucks certificate will be awarded to the first Fan to complete it in an alternate way that, in our estimation, also is effective. The explanation and the names of the winners will be published tomorrow on this TPS Fans page. Each brevity rule is contained in 10 Ways to Shorten & Strengthen Your Academic Paper and will be posted on the TPS Fan page as introduced.
最佳的寫作，必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出新專欄，請你寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。題目刊登於下方，經TPS編輯教授評選為第1位最適解答的粉絲，可獲得統一超商/星巴克咖啡NTD200元的購物禮券；增設特別獎1名，獎項給予提出符合句意又別具創意之解答的粉絲。解答與獲獎的粉絲姓名，將於明天公佈於本TPS專頁。每一項簡潔準則，皆收錄於TPS新推出之「十大簡潔英文準則」，將定期刊登本專欄，敬請密切鎖定、先睹為快。

Rule # 6: Use allusions… An academic writer can tighten his paper, reduce word count, and connect more securely with a reader by alluding to familiar principles or objects that apply to the subject. In the sentence below, the writer did not employ allusion where it was possible to do so. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger by use of allusion?
十大簡潔英文準則六：善用暗喻
寫作學術文章若能間接引用與主題類似的觀念或事物，便可使文章更簡潔、減少字數，讓讀者更容易理解。下列句子並未在適當的地方善用暗喻，要如何使用暗喻，才能讓句子更精簡有力？

題目 Contest Sentence:

“The people filed peacefully into the room and, one by one, seated themselves on the floor, each person assuming the fatalistic posture reminiscent of every non-violent protester who ever challenged authority.”