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This is not academic writing 學術文章不是這麼寫的
【寫作技巧】
並非所有與學術議題相關的文章,就能稱之為「學術文章」。本篇專欄將節錄不同學術議題的內容,分析常見的寫作錯誤,並分享潤修與寫作的技巧。
Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. In this "This is not academic writing" column we examine short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被認可的文章

“Urban sprawl is defined by various experts as the movement of population and commercial activity from a central area to immediately adjacent areas. It generally carries a negative connotation because the growth happens like kudzu, traffic becomes a headache, and the environment turns sour. While the term was first applied to American cities, it is a world-wide complaint now. Worst of all, the impact of sprawl, once it starts, tends to go on and on.”

This paragraph suffers from serial sloppiness. A few examples:
這段文章充斥著散漫的句子,包括:

--The writer lets unidentified “various experts” define the core term. Who are these “experts?” The writer’s roommate and texting buddy?
解釋關鍵詞時,作者用了「許多專家 “various experts”」這種不嚴謹的說法。這些專家是誰?作者的室友或傳簡訊的死黨嗎?
--While the growth pattern of “kudzu” is nicely analogous to sprawl, to say it “happens” is vapid.
葛類植物的生長模式雖然與都市擴張相當類似,但動詞用“happens”實在令人感到用詞之乏味。
--To assert that suburban commuter traffic “becomes a headache” is a shaky point. Why? It selectively ignores all those central city traffic jams.
宣稱郊區通勤「令人頭痛」未免站不住腳,為什麼呢? 因為作者刻意忽視了市中心的交通堵塞。
--The environment “turns sour?” Literally?
環境「變酸」了?真的如字面意義般酸化了嗎?
--And if the “impact” of sprawl “tends to go on and on,” it defies the physics of impacts.
「擴張」的影響若是真的會「沒完沒了的持續」,顯然有違物理的自然原理。


A more disciplined version of the paragraph appears below.
此段文章編輯潤飾後內容,刊登如下。

Acceptable 認可的文章

“Urban sprawl is defined as the bleeding out of population and commercial activity from a central area to immediately adjacent areas. Sprawl generally carries a negative connotation because it restricts optimum land use, aggravates transportation issues and impairs the environment. While the term was first applied to U.S. metropolitan areas, it now is viewed as a global concern. Once the “sprawl” planning process begins, it tends to be self-perpetuating.”


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