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非英文母語者常見寫作錯誤之六：時間與地點
【學術專欄】
我們來到非英文母語者常見寫作錯誤系列專欄的最後一篇，主題將探討先後順序與背景設定，簡單來說就是時間與地點。特別是如果您有數個「行進中的角色」在您的寫作中，亦即「在不同的情境中有不同的人物」，倘若能夠有效地在文章中添加時間和地點的修飾語，將有助讀者將您的想法拼湊完整，享受更順暢的閱讀。當您進行寫作或翻譯文學作品時，時間的先後順序與地點的背景設定尤其重要，最好盡可能地表達清楚及完整。現在就讓我們看看以下兩句由華語學生所練習的新聞寫作。
For the final column in our series on common writing mistakes by non-native speakers, we will be talking about sequence and setting, or more simply time and place. Especially if you have several “moving parts” in your writing—i.e. different actors in different situations—the judicious addition of time and place qualifiers can do wonders in helping your readers put together a clearer mental picture of your ideas. This is particularly important when writing or translating nonfiction, where the emphasis is on delivering your message in the clearest, most accessible way possible. Let’s now take a look at the following examples, both of which were taken from a news writing exercise done by Chinese students.
1) Government officials work with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
1) 政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數個鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
2) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from Yangon. More than 10,000 farmers have been out of work.
2) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
Although the above sentences are quite good, they still suffer from ambiguity due to their failure to make clear sequence and setting. Let’s look at the first sentence:
儘管上面兩個例句寫得相當不錯，然而仍面臨到語句模糊不清的寫作錯誤，因為未能做出清楚的先後順序與背景設定。
1) Government officials work with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
1) 政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
While you could argue that this sentence is grammatically OK, it remains unnecessarily vague in its timeline. The problem is that we don't know when the events described are talking place. Last year? Last month? Still ongoing? For the sake of clarity, when introducing new information to the reader, I would encourage ESL writers to do their best to spell out a timeframe or setting whenever possible. With this in a mind, perhaps a better version of the sentence would be:
儘管您可能會覺得這句話文法正確，不過該句仍然在時間軸上存在不必要的模糊。問題在於我們不知道事件的發生時間。去年？上個月？ 還是正在進行中？為了使讀者更加清楚事件的脈絡，我鼓勵英語作為第二語言的作者，當您提出新資訊時，盡可能地勾勒出或設定好時間框架。當您謹記此規則，或許更好的版本為：
a) Government officials are currently working with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
a) 政府官員目前正與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
or
或者
b) In August, government officials worked with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
b) 今年八月，政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
A timeframe also goes a long way in helping the reader know what to expect in the exposition that will come. For example, in sentence A we can reasonability infer that the following content will be about the cooperation that is currently happening between the government and volunteers. Turning to B, it would not be far-fetched to assume that since we know the cooperation has been completed, in the following sentences, we are going to hear about the results of such cooperation—whether positive or negative. As you can see, with just a simple addition of time or place qualifiers, we have subtly adjusted the reader’s expectation regarding the content to come—that, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of writing with clarity!
時間框架有助於讀者得知事件的發展。舉例來說，上述A句指出「目前正與」，可以合理推斷出，接下來的內容將有關政府官員與志工的合作。至於B句是過去式，政府官員與志工的合作已經完成，所以不難猜測出之後的句子將提及合作的結果（不論是正面還是負面）。如您所見，只要寫出時間或地點，我們就能巧妙改變讀者對文章的預期。各位，這就是─寫作清晰的魔力！
Let’s go on to our second example:
讓我們來看看第二個例句：
2) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers have been out of work.
2) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
The problem here is one of setting. In introducing a group of people to us (10,000 famers), the author has neglected to information us where those 10,000 farmers are located. Again, for clarity’s sake, we need to add a qualifier. There are several ways we can do this. We can place the farmers in the townships (as was done in example A and B), or we could place them somewhere else in the country (as was done in example C). Of course, if this was a real news report, we would not have the liberty of choosing where these farmers are located, however, we would still have to ensure their location was clear to the reader.
此句問題在於缺少主角的地點設定。作者向我們介紹了一群人（一萬名的農民），但是卻沒有告訴我們這一萬名農民的位置。再一次地，為了讓讀者更清楚文章的架構，我們需要加入修飾語。有幾種方法像是將農民設定於鄉鎮裡（如下列例句A、B），或是置於全國 的某處（如例句C）。當然，若這是真實的新聞報導，我們不能任意決定農民的位置，必須據實以報，確保蒐集足夠的資訊讓讀者清楚知道農民的位置。
a) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers there have been out of work.
a) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。在那裡一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
or
或者
b) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers in the two townships have been out of work.
b) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。A、B兩鎮裡超過一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
or或者
c) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. Currently more than 10,000 farmers from around the nation have been out of work.
c) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。全國目前有超過一萬名的農民都已經失業了。
In the above sentences, the additions help make clear where exactly the farmers are to be found. Although this seem like an obvious solution, you would be surprised by how many times I have had to add such “obvious solutions” when editing work by non-native speakers. Therefore, the lesson here is: when reviewing your written work, ask yourself if every actor is accounted for. In other words, will your reader know where to put the actor you have introduced in the mental picture he or she is developing as they read your work?
上述句子中，添加農民位置的詞彙有助於讀者的閱讀。然而，此解決方法看起來雖然顯而易懂，卻是非英文母語者常見的寫作錯誤。每當我進行校稿時，您會無法相信我校正了多少次這樣「顯而易懂的解決方法」。因此，本篇主要課題是，當您回顧寫作文章時，問問自己每位角色的時間地點設定是否完善。換言之，您的讀者能否將您描繪的故事圖像，拼湊成一幅完整的畫作。
While today’s discussion might seem simple, I believe it is one of the most important areas that a non-native speaker can focus on once he or she reaches a reasonable proficiency of written English. Missing time and place qualifiers is one of the mistakes that I see the most in my editing, which is unfortunate because it is also one of the easiest for an author to notice beforehand and fix.
今日主題看似簡單，然而我相信這是非英文母語者學習寫作時非常重要的一環，足以看出作者對於英文寫作的熟練程度。文章中缺乏時間與地點是我在英文編輯時最常見的錯誤之一，也常為文章感到可惜，因為這是只要作者多用心便可察覺到的錯誤並能事先加以修正的地方。
For the final column in our series on common writing mistakes by non-native speakers, we will be talking about sequence and setting, or more simply time and place. Especially if you have several “moving parts” in your writing—i.e. different actors in different situations—the judicious addition of time and place qualifiers can do wonders in helping your readers put together a clearer mental picture of your ideas. This is particularly important when writing or translating nonfiction, where the emphasis is on delivering your message in the clearest, most accessible way possible. Let’s now take a look at the following examples, both of which were taken from a news writing exercise done by Chinese students.
1) Government officials work with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
1) 政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數個鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
2) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from Yangon. More than 10,000 farmers have been out of work.
2) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
Although the above sentences are quite good, they still suffer from ambiguity due to their failure to make clear sequence and setting. Let’s look at the first sentence:
儘管上面兩個例句寫得相當不錯，然而仍面臨到語句模糊不清的寫作錯誤，因為未能做出清楚的先後順序與背景設定。
1) Government officials work with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
1) 政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
While you could argue that this sentence is grammatically OK, it remains unnecessarily vague in its timeline. The problem is that we don't know when the events described are talking place. Last year? Last month? Still ongoing? For the sake of clarity, when introducing new information to the reader, I would encourage ESL writers to do their best to spell out a timeframe or setting whenever possible. With this in a mind, perhaps a better version of the sentence would be:
儘管您可能會覺得這句話文法正確，不過該句仍然在時間軸上存在不必要的模糊。問題在於我們不知道事件的發生時間。去年？上個月？ 還是正在進行中？為了使讀者更加清楚事件的脈絡，我鼓勵英語作為第二語言的作者，當您提出新資訊時，盡可能地勾勒出或設定好時間框架。當您謹記此規則，或許更好的版本為：
a) Government officials are currently working with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
a) 政府官員目前正與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
or
或者
b) In August, government officials worked with local volunteers to provide seeds to farmers in several townships where rice farming is the predominant way of life.
b) 今年八月，政府官員與當地志工合作，提供水稻種子給數名鄉鎮農民種植，而稻作農業是這些鄉鎮農民賴以為生的主要方式。
A timeframe also goes a long way in helping the reader know what to expect in the exposition that will come. For example, in sentence A we can reasonability infer that the following content will be about the cooperation that is currently happening between the government and volunteers. Turning to B, it would not be far-fetched to assume that since we know the cooperation has been completed, in the following sentences, we are going to hear about the results of such cooperation—whether positive or negative. As you can see, with just a simple addition of time or place qualifiers, we have subtly adjusted the reader’s expectation regarding the content to come—that, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of writing with clarity!
時間框架有助於讀者得知事件的發展。舉例來說，上述A句指出「目前正與」，可以合理推斷出，接下來的內容將有關政府官員與志工的合作。至於B句是過去式，政府官員與志工的合作已經完成，所以不難猜測出之後的句子將提及合作的結果（不論是正面還是負面）。如您所見，只要寫出時間或地點，我們就能巧妙改變讀者對文章的預期。各位，這就是─寫作清晰的魔力！
Let’s go on to our second example:
讓我們來看看第二個例句：
2) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers have been out of work.
2) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
The problem here is one of setting. In introducing a group of people to us (10,000 famers), the author has neglected to information us where those 10,000 farmers are located. Again, for clarity’s sake, we need to add a qualifier. There are several ways we can do this. We can place the farmers in the townships (as was done in example A and B), or we could place them somewhere else in the country (as was done in example C). Of course, if this was a real news report, we would not have the liberty of choosing where these farmers are located, however, we would still have to ensure their location was clear to the reader.
此句問題在於缺少主角的地點設定。作者向我們介紹了一群人（一萬名的農民），但是卻沒有告訴我們這一萬名農民的位置。再一次地，為了讓讀者更清楚文章的架構，我們需要加入修飾語。有幾種方法像是將農民設定於鄉鎮裡（如下列例句A、B），或是置於全國 的某處（如例句C）。當然，若這是真實的新聞報導，我們不能任意決定農民的位置，必須據實以報，確保蒐集足夠的資訊讓讀者清楚知道農民的位置。
a) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers there have been out of work.
a) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。在那裡一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
or
或者
b) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. More than 10,000 farmers in the two townships have been out of work.
b) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。A、B兩鎮裡超過一萬多名的農民都已經失業了。
or或者
c) Rice farming is predominant in the townships of A and B, which sit 80 miles away from the capital. Currently more than 10,000 farmers from around the nation have been out of work.
c) A鎮與B鎮距離仰光80哩遠，其稻作農業是主要耕作方式。全國目前有超過一萬名的農民都已經失業了。
In the above sentences, the additions help make clear where exactly the farmers are to be found. Although this seem like an obvious solution, you would be surprised by how many times I have had to add such “obvious solutions” when editing work by non-native speakers. Therefore, the lesson here is: when reviewing your written work, ask yourself if every actor is accounted for. In other words, will your reader know where to put the actor you have introduced in the mental picture he or she is developing as they read your work?
上述句子中，添加農民位置的詞彙有助於讀者的閱讀。然而，此解決方法看起來雖然顯而易懂，卻是非英文母語者常見的寫作錯誤。每當我進行校稿時，您會無法相信我校正了多少次這樣「顯而易懂的解決方法」。因此，本篇主要課題是，當您回顧寫作文章時，問問自己每位角色的時間地點設定是否完善。換言之，您的讀者能否將您描繪的故事圖像，拼湊成一幅完整的畫作。
While today’s discussion might seem simple, I believe it is one of the most important areas that a non-native speaker can focus on once he or she reaches a reasonable proficiency of written English. Missing time and place qualifiers is one of the mistakes that I see the most in my editing, which is unfortunate because it is also one of the easiest for an author to notice beforehand and fix.
今日主題看似簡單，然而我相信這是非英文母語者學習寫作時非常重要的一環，足以看出作者對於英文寫作的熟練程度。文章中缺乏時間與地點是我在英文編輯時最常見的錯誤之一，也常為文章感到可惜，因為這是只要作者多用心便可察覺到的錯誤並能事先加以修正的地方。
