This is not academic writing 學術文章不是這麼寫的
Not all articles written on academic topics are written in proper academic English. In this "This is not academic writing" column we examine short excerpts from academic texts to illustrate common writing errors and explain how to correct them.

Unacceptable 不被認可的文章

“Great Chinese pen and oil artists have, from time immemorial, displayed good understanding of nature and natural forms, including all kinds of animals. Sometimes their art told haunting stories; sometimes an art piece was a wondrous and beautiful vignette of nature. Among many examples of this were many of Hsu Hsi’s artful nature reproductions. On the other hand, Chin T’ingpiao’s art seemed to be a narrative, combining nature and human bodies in a retelling of a great moment in history. The sensibility of the artists was awesome, and their brushes and pencils created super art.”

This snippet of analysis of Chinese artistry, as written above, is weakened by sweeping language and lapses into glib, conversational word choices. The very first word, “great,” is questionable because it excludes so many other artists. “Time immemorial” is a cliché. What exactly is “good” understanding? How much art work actually conveys “haunting” stories? Not enough to mention, I suspect. What is a “great” moment in history? And the last sentence employs both “awesome” and “super” and how neat is that! All in all, a poor effort.
以上這段短文分析中國的藝術,缺點在用字太過籠統,而且流於敷衍隨便。首先,第一個字 “great” 就有問題,這讓討論排除了其他很多藝術家。“Time immemorial”(遠古時代)是陳詞濫調了,而 “good understanding”(非常了解)究竟有多了解?多少作品真的傳達了 “haunting”(令人難忘)的故事?恐怕不多吧。史上 “great”(偉大)的時刻是指什麼?最後一句又用了 “awesome”(了不起)與 “super”(出色)兩個字,未免太馬虎了!總而言之,這段文章就是寫作不用心。

Acceptable 認可的文章

“Chinese pen and oil artists have, from the earliest dynastic periods, displayed a delicate understanding of nature and natural forms, including animal life. Sometimes the silken art told stories; more often an art piece was a brilliantly isolated and captured vignette of nature. Among examples of this were many of Hsu Hsi’s colorful nature drawings, whereas Chin T’ingpiao’s art was apt to have a narrative quality, combining natural scenes and human figures in a retelling of history. In all cases, the artists’ sensibility greatly enhanced what brush and pencil rendered.”

cron web_use_log