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十大簡潔英文準則四：具體說明指涉對象
【學術專欄】
The best writing doesn’t waste words. It employs words efficiently. Recently our Facebook fans at TPS have been enjoying our new column Brevity: Valuing Each Word. For the past 4 months, we have asked fans to provide examples of brevity relevant to the Rule we were discussing for the week. Now that the 10 Ways to Shorten & Strengthen Your Academic Paper have been outlined, below we give you a recap of each Rule, as well as the correct answer and explanation to accompanying quiz question.
最佳的寫作，必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出的新專欄競賽 「Brevity: Valuing Each Word簡潔準則：惜字如金」，請Facebook 粉絲寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。經過數月的競賽後，已依序公布十大簡潔英文準則，在此集結題目、正確解答與解析刊登如下。
Rule # 4: Use specific references… An academic writer can tighten his paper, lower word count, and speed along a reader by using specific terminology and references rather than general explanations. The latter approach suggests inadequate or lazy research. In the sentence below, the writer did not write with specificity. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger while retaining its meaning?
十大簡潔英文準則四：具體說明指涉對象
寫作學術文章若能避免空泛的解釋，使用專門用語並具體說明指涉對象，就能使文章更精煉、減少字數，使閱讀更流暢。籠統的解釋表示作者可能研究不當或過於馬虎。以下例句寫作有欠具體，要如何修改才能有效地縮短句子，加強語氣，並且維持原本句意呢？
題目Contest Sentence:
Assembly line manufacturing, a concept introduced by an American automobile manufacturer in the early 20th century, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
正確解答 Answer: We believe the best revision is… “Assembly line manufacturing, a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為 “Assembly line manufacturing, a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
This sentence reduces the word count to 23 from 30 just by specifically and succinctly referring to Henry Ford rather than generally describing the circumstances surrounding the auto mogul’s great innovation in manufacturing. To do this, a writer had to know of Ford’s contribution, or at least know enough about it to be able to search out necessary details. A smattering of knowledge can lead to greater knowledge—and to a more informed academic paper—only if it is acted upon.
與其籠統地描述汽車鉅子在製造上的偉大發明，只要具體而簡潔地寫出亨利福特的人名，就可以讓句子從 30 個字減少到 23 個字。為此，作者必須瞭解福特的貢獻，或至少稍有涉獵，才能觀察出必要的細節。具備最起碼的知識有助學習進一步的知識，以及更有見地的寫作學術論文，前提是必須善加利用已具備的知識。
The writer knew enough about Ford’s manufacturing breakthrough to give a reader some general information about the roots of the assembly line. However, rather than refine the information further, boiling it down from “an American automobile manufacturer” to “Henry Ford,” and reducing “in the early 20th century” to “in 1913,” the writer was satisfied with the wordier explanation. Such misjudgment misserves a reader and generally leads to a lower grade on a paper.
作者對福特在製造業突破性的成就略知一二，能大致說明生產線的起源。然而，作者卻安於冗贅的解釋，未進一步化繁為簡，能再精簡表述的包括「美國汽車製造商」可簡化為「亨利福特」、「20 世紀早期」(“in the early 20th century”) 可簡化為「1913 年」(“in 1913”)。作者判斷失據，有負讀者，通常也會讓論文評等大打折扣。
The cause of brevity also was helped in this instance by being able to use a shorthand phrase, “a la,” which means “in the manner of.” Such felicity with substitute expressions—sometimes pulled from another language—can help a writer communicate universally, yet succinctly. Other common expressions of this type include “i.e.,” which means “that is” and “ipso facto,” a Latin expression meaning “by that very fact.” Combined with specific references, such spare phrases can illuminate writing.
使用簡短詞組也能讓例句更為精簡。有時替換其他語言的慣用語詞，例如“a la”，意為「以…方式」，能讓措辭得體，有助溝通的簡明扼要，又無礙訊息傳達。此類表達方式常用的還有拉丁文 “i.e.”，表「意即」；“ipso facto”，表「據此」。善用此類的替換詞組，加上具體說明指涉對象，可讓文章更清晰。
最佳的寫作，必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出的新專欄競賽 「Brevity: Valuing Each Word簡潔準則：惜字如金」，請Facebook 粉絲寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。經過數月的競賽後，已依序公布十大簡潔英文準則，在此集結題目、正確解答與解析刊登如下。
Rule # 4: Use specific references… An academic writer can tighten his paper, lower word count, and speed along a reader by using specific terminology and references rather than general explanations. The latter approach suggests inadequate or lazy research. In the sentence below, the writer did not write with specificity. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger while retaining its meaning?
十大簡潔英文準則四：具體說明指涉對象
寫作學術文章若能避免空泛的解釋，使用專門用語並具體說明指涉對象，就能使文章更精煉、減少字數，使閱讀更流暢。籠統的解釋表示作者可能研究不當或過於馬虎。以下例句寫作有欠具體，要如何修改才能有效地縮短句子，加強語氣，並且維持原本句意呢？
題目Contest Sentence:
Assembly line manufacturing, a concept introduced by an American automobile manufacturer in the early 20th century, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
正確解答 Answer: We believe the best revision is… “Assembly line manufacturing, a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為 “Assembly line manufacturing, a la Henry Ford in Detroit in 1913, produced sociological change by creating merchandise cheaply enough to be afforded by the masses.”
This sentence reduces the word count to 23 from 30 just by specifically and succinctly referring to Henry Ford rather than generally describing the circumstances surrounding the auto mogul’s great innovation in manufacturing. To do this, a writer had to know of Ford’s contribution, or at least know enough about it to be able to search out necessary details. A smattering of knowledge can lead to greater knowledge—and to a more informed academic paper—only if it is acted upon.
與其籠統地描述汽車鉅子在製造上的偉大發明，只要具體而簡潔地寫出亨利福特的人名，就可以讓句子從 30 個字減少到 23 個字。為此，作者必須瞭解福特的貢獻，或至少稍有涉獵，才能觀察出必要的細節。具備最起碼的知識有助學習進一步的知識，以及更有見地的寫作學術論文，前提是必須善加利用已具備的知識。
The writer knew enough about Ford’s manufacturing breakthrough to give a reader some general information about the roots of the assembly line. However, rather than refine the information further, boiling it down from “an American automobile manufacturer” to “Henry Ford,” and reducing “in the early 20th century” to “in 1913,” the writer was satisfied with the wordier explanation. Such misjudgment misserves a reader and generally leads to a lower grade on a paper.
作者對福特在製造業突破性的成就略知一二，能大致說明生產線的起源。然而，作者卻安於冗贅的解釋，未進一步化繁為簡，能再精簡表述的包括「美國汽車製造商」可簡化為「亨利福特」、「20 世紀早期」(“in the early 20th century”) 可簡化為「1913 年」(“in 1913”)。作者判斷失據，有負讀者，通常也會讓論文評等大打折扣。
The cause of brevity also was helped in this instance by being able to use a shorthand phrase, “a la,” which means “in the manner of.” Such felicity with substitute expressions—sometimes pulled from another language—can help a writer communicate universally, yet succinctly. Other common expressions of this type include “i.e.,” which means “that is” and “ipso facto,” a Latin expression meaning “by that very fact.” Combined with specific references, such spare phrases can illuminate writing.
使用簡短詞組也能讓例句更為精簡。有時替換其他語言的慣用語詞，例如“a la”，意為「以…方式」，能讓措辭得體，有助溝通的簡明扼要，又無礙訊息傳達。此類表達方式常用的還有拉丁文 “i.e.”，表「意即」；“ipso facto”，表「據此」。善用此類的替換詞組，加上具體說明指涉對象，可讓文章更清晰。
