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十大簡潔英文準則三：想清楚再下筆
【學術專欄】
The best writing doesn’t waste words. It employs words efficiently. Recently our Facebook fans at TPS have been enjoying our new column Brevity: Valuing Each Word. For the past 4 months, we have asked fans to provide examples of brevity relevant to the Rule we were discussing for the week. Now that the 10 Ways to Shorten & Strengthen Your Academic Paper have been outlined, below we give you a recap of each Rule, as well as the correct answer and explanation to accompanying quiz question.
最佳的寫作，必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出的新專欄競賽 「Brevity: Valuing Each Word簡潔準則：惜字如金」，請Facebook 粉絲寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。經過數月的競賽後，已依序公布十大簡潔英文準則，在此集結題目、正確解答與解析刊登如下。
Rule # 3: Don’t write tentatively… If a trained academic writer knows his subject, his writing will reflect it. Tentative writing indicates thinking that is not fully developed, and generally results in wordiness. In the sentence below, the writer did not write assuredly. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger while retaining its meaning?
十大簡潔英文準則三：想清楚再下筆
訓練有素的學術作者會在作品中反映出對主題的認識。沒想清楚就動筆，表示想法尚未思考周延，而且文句通常較冗贅。以下這句話作者寫起來並沒有把握，要如何修改才能有效地縮短句子，加強語氣，並且維持原本句意呢？
題目 Contest Sentence:
“About a half century ago, computers were quite large by comparison to today’s computers, pretty unreliable, very difficult to operate, and almost considered a technology without a future.”
正確解答 Answer: We believe the best revision is… “Fifty years ago, computers were large compared to today’s models, unreliable, difficult to operate, and considered a technology without a future.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為 “Fifty years ago, computers were large compared to today’s models, unreliable, difficult to operate, and considered a technology without a future.”
This sentence reduces the word count to 21 from 28, mostly by eliminating weasel words. What is weasel wording? It is phraseology that hedges rather than declares. In this case, the writer hedged by writing earlier computers were “quite large,” rather than flat-out saying they were large, especially when placed side by side with today’s hand-held units. Other weasel words are “pretty” and “very” and “almost.” While such modifiers have their legitimate uses, they are only fillers in this sentence.
剔除遁辭後，句子從28個字變成21個字。什麼是遁辭？使用遁辭就是用字閃爍其詞，不直接說明。例句裡，作者取巧地說，和今天的手提電腦相比，早期的電腦「相當大」(“quite large”) ，而非直截了當地說電腦很大。其他遁辭還有 “pretty”、“very” 與 “almost”。這些修飾語有其適切的用法，但在本例中只是濫竽充數。
The introductory phrase, “About a half century ago,” is unnecessarily vague. A quick check of computer history shows that it would have been accurate to say “Fifty years ago…,” or for that matter 55 years ago. Instead, the lazy writer opted to use tired and imprecise “about” phrasing. In another place, the writer used two passive words—“by comparison”—instead of “compared,” a more forceful expression. Not only does the passive construction slow down a reader, it lengthens the sentence without vivifying it.
開頭句 “About a half century ago” 很模糊，可以更精準的表達，稍微查證一下電腦的歷史，就知道用 50 年前 (“Fifty years ago…,”) 才正確，更精確點，應該說 55 年前。但是作者卻偷懶，用老套含糊的 “about” 表達；此外，作者還用了被動說法 “by comparison”，而非更有力的 “compared”。被動結構不僅讓人讀得慢，也拉長句子，難以讓句子更生動。
Writers make a mistake when they believe readers of academic papers—usually professors—are OK with trudging to a conclusion, rather than being propelled to the end by active, direct word choices. Writers also err in believing that dropping in modifiers and otherwise fudging instead of writing with exactness goes unnoticed by these same professors. This is a helpful rule of thumb for a writer of a paper: The heavier and more insipid the subject, the more direct and animated the writing must be. Content is gold, but gold is heavy; lift it with exact, robust language.
作者以為學術論文的讀者－通常是教授－願意自己費盡心力找出結論，而不需透過主動、直接的用字帶領，一路導向結論；也以為用字不精確、動不動就使用修飾語或是含糊其詞，能逃過教授的法眼。這些想法都錯了。寫作論文請把握一項大原則：主題愈枯燥乏味，用字就要愈直接生動。內容是金，金子重量可不輕，謹記用字要精確堅定，才能讓讀者立即捕捉你的重點。
最佳的寫作，必須有效選用字句、惜字如金。TPS推出的新專欄競賽 「Brevity: Valuing Each Word簡潔準則：惜字如金」，請Facebook 粉絲寫出簡潔、流暢的詞彙/句子。經過數月的競賽後，已依序公布十大簡潔英文準則，在此集結題目、正確解答與解析刊登如下。
Rule # 3: Don’t write tentatively… If a trained academic writer knows his subject, his writing will reflect it. Tentative writing indicates thinking that is not fully developed, and generally results in wordiness. In the sentence below, the writer did not write assuredly. How can the sentence best be written shorter and stronger while retaining its meaning?
十大簡潔英文準則三：想清楚再下筆
訓練有素的學術作者會在作品中反映出對主題的認識。沒想清楚就動筆，表示想法尚未思考周延，而且文句通常較冗贅。以下這句話作者寫起來並沒有把握，要如何修改才能有效地縮短句子，加強語氣，並且維持原本句意呢？
題目 Contest Sentence:
“About a half century ago, computers were quite large by comparison to today’s computers, pretty unreliable, very difficult to operate, and almost considered a technology without a future.”
正確解答 Answer: We believe the best revision is… “Fifty years ago, computers were large compared to today’s models, unreliable, difficult to operate, and considered a technology without a future.”
我們相信最佳寫法應為 “Fifty years ago, computers were large compared to today’s models, unreliable, difficult to operate, and considered a technology without a future.”
This sentence reduces the word count to 21 from 28, mostly by eliminating weasel words. What is weasel wording? It is phraseology that hedges rather than declares. In this case, the writer hedged by writing earlier computers were “quite large,” rather than flat-out saying they were large, especially when placed side by side with today’s hand-held units. Other weasel words are “pretty” and “very” and “almost.” While such modifiers have their legitimate uses, they are only fillers in this sentence.
剔除遁辭後，句子從28個字變成21個字。什麼是遁辭？使用遁辭就是用字閃爍其詞，不直接說明。例句裡，作者取巧地說，和今天的手提電腦相比，早期的電腦「相當大」(“quite large”) ，而非直截了當地說電腦很大。其他遁辭還有 “pretty”、“very” 與 “almost”。這些修飾語有其適切的用法，但在本例中只是濫竽充數。
The introductory phrase, “About a half century ago,” is unnecessarily vague. A quick check of computer history shows that it would have been accurate to say “Fifty years ago…,” or for that matter 55 years ago. Instead, the lazy writer opted to use tired and imprecise “about” phrasing. In another place, the writer used two passive words—“by comparison”—instead of “compared,” a more forceful expression. Not only does the passive construction slow down a reader, it lengthens the sentence without vivifying it.
開頭句 “About a half century ago” 很模糊，可以更精準的表達，稍微查證一下電腦的歷史，就知道用 50 年前 (“Fifty years ago…,”) 才正確，更精確點，應該說 55 年前。但是作者卻偷懶，用老套含糊的 “about” 表達；此外，作者還用了被動說法 “by comparison”，而非更有力的 “compared”。被動結構不僅讓人讀得慢，也拉長句子，難以讓句子更生動。
Writers make a mistake when they believe readers of academic papers—usually professors—are OK with trudging to a conclusion, rather than being propelled to the end by active, direct word choices. Writers also err in believing that dropping in modifiers and otherwise fudging instead of writing with exactness goes unnoticed by these same professors. This is a helpful rule of thumb for a writer of a paper: The heavier and more insipid the subject, the more direct and animated the writing must be. Content is gold, but gold is heavy; lift it with exact, robust language.
作者以為學術論文的讀者－通常是教授－願意自己費盡心力找出結論，而不需透過主動、直接的用字帶領，一路導向結論；也以為用字不精確、動不動就使用修飾語或是含糊其詞，能逃過教授的法眼。這些想法都錯了。寫作論文請把握一項大原則：主題愈枯燥乏味，用字就要愈直接生動。內容是金，金子重量可不輕，謹記用字要精確堅定，才能讓讀者立即捕捉你的重點。
